Ghar banake dekho ; shaadi karvake dekho!!

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To a typical hyderabadi, these two phrases mean a lot. You must be born and brought in Hyderabad to understand the importance it commands.

'Ghar banake dekho' is a phrase to describe how difficult it is build your house. I have built my house, though not completely but I know how one has to run from pillar to post, nag, beg, borrow and sometimes steal !!! Negotiate with angry neighbours is probably the worst part of the whole exercise. Neighbours seem to be jealous of your home and they do everything in their capacity to create hurdles while concealing themselves behind smiles.

'Shaadi karvake dekho' Now this is a phrase I can vouch for !! Believe me making arrangements for a marriage makes one to age very quickly. I think I must have aged 2 years in 3 days. It was such a harrowing experience dealing with a muslim cook that I can barely comprehend what he was doing. These guys were reluctant to cook in a Hindu marriage and yet they were hired by us. A bawaarchi is my definition a guy who is at a great disconnect with intelligence and common sense. They have no idea about menu estimation, they just give wild numbers for you get and then they don't use many food items in any preparations, wondering whether it is you who is the fool or him!! Just to start it our cook could not estimate the amount of oil and overestimated the amount of rice to be cooked. At the end of the day more than half of food got wasted, not only because there were fewer guests but our baawarchi could not get it right.

I must thank my stars that I had my cousin brother (Vidya Sagar) at my disposal. He is one of the guys who can be trusted with any task. He can multi task, posesses good talking skills and has very very good set of friends/contacts. Just imagine the scene : My cook wanted 400kg of dry 'imli' ka firewood in the month of August. I thought this guy was fooling aroung, so ignored him. At around 2 am he calles me and aske 400kg of dry firewood. Now tell me, who has 'dry' wood in the month of August apart from someone sitting in Sahara desert !! I must say that our Hyderabad has got everything except positive culture. I got 500kg of firewood at 3 'o clock in the morning when the marriage muhurat was at 9:30 am, just six-and-a-hours later!! It was sheet luck that i happen to come across drunk firewood seller who was returing home. I am sure had he not been drunk he would not have opened the shop for us :) . My cousin immediately called for the AP Transco lorry to ferry all the wood. At that time there is harly any transport available and so I thank my stars once again!! I had to literally run from pillar to post for this. Really really harrowing experience to me , I must say.

Then apart from this we had a house full of useless relatives who routinely find something that they don't like. We thought they would participate in our chores but they became a big headache to us. Must say friends are much better than these jealous relatives. Our family friends from Sirgapur and Kohir were much more helpful.

I think at the end of the day, me and my cousin run the show. We are very proud that we could manage most things in the nick of time. That photo is one happy family!!!

My persuit of happiness...

Guys, the one thing that i understood very very clearly is that 'Money doesn't buy you happiness'. This is a notion that everyone has that, more money gives you more happiness is utter bullshit. Gautama Buddha knew this and preached it 2500 years ago and it seems the message hasn't quite got the importance it deserves. My craving for exotic, exclusive, elusive, expensive, beautiful etc., things does not end with anything. I get bored very fast with my stuff... donno for how much time will my wife be new to me....Ha Ha ;)

I should have planned my career in a better way. That, money doesn't buy happiness is something I wish I should/could have experienced much earlier in my life and maybe then I could have planned my career to suit my abilities so that the job gives me more happiness. At the moment I feel that I have straitjacketed myself in a field that I don't like or I have little aptitude! What to do now? Can't help. I am only just started venturing into a new direction and I should not be so pessimistic so, maybe I am wrong now and maybe I might like it.....

I predict my future based on my past.

There are two main aspects to my life in terms of 'luck' as it is now at the moment. Luck plays a very important part in anyone's life as the world is not perfect and we only believe in God simply to pass the buck. Luck is something that you are not in control of and you will never be. It is beyond anyone control.

Firstly there is luck in terms how lucky I am and then the other aspect is "un-luck" in terms of how unlucky i have been all through my life till now.

I have been the most luckiest in terms of my parents. There cannot be anyone in this Universe who can love me more than my Dad and my Mom. I say this after analyzing other's parents and their domain, how i treat my parents; believe me it is a scientific sort of analysis that i did! Being born at a time when doctors were considered next to God is another thing . Studying in BHEL is because of fate. I did not chose it , it was chosen on my behalf is another thing that proved to be lucky. Not getting a medical seat has proved to be a boon. Had I got a medical seat and completed my medicine, I would not have handled as well as I am doing now.

Now I am looking through a crystal ball and predicting that my life would not be as easy as it is now. My wife and kids cannot love me as much as my parents love me today. I may not earn as much as I would like to. That's it!

I really want to say this

Terrorism is finally home! Finally it has arrived in Hyderabad with a bloody bang. The cozy nature of hyderabad nightlife will end finally. The thing that struck me after the blasts and debates and interviews with Muslim leadership aftermath is that, the hyderabadi muslim is a very frustrated soul. He attributes his personal failing completely to his being a follower of Islam. The main muslim leader, i think his name is Owaisi has remained a big talker and non performer, non co operator with authorities. He just cannot control the feeling of hatred with positive talk and actions, instead he passes the buck on the government. After the mecca masjid blast, police wanted to fit surveillance cameras around the mosque but due to stiff opposition that could not happen. The language he uses and the way he talks makes me wonder about this moron as who votes him in the elections. He has no friends in political circles apart from Muslims and yet he survives.

The common muslim in old city has become a very communal person with only hatred towards non muslims and ready to create trouble given any opportunity. The muslim community needs a leader with brains and a vision to change the present mindsets. Muslims complain about being made 'victims' every time arrests are made but fail to understand why only muslims are associated with terrorism. There must be some reason why that happens and definitely there is something wrong with them. Every muslim needs to do soul searching in the present context. The present situation is very bad and probably might get even bad if more blasts occur and more are arrested.

Travails of a daughter

Now I know what it means to a daughter and why so many girls are murdered at birth or shortly after birth. But still I would like to have two daughters and one son!

We, as a family are facing tremendous mental agony because of our repeated failure to a get a suitable match for my sister. Every match that we think is good finds some trivial reason to reject the relation. As a man this seems to defy logic. When we[men] are in college, girls always seem to play hard to get and they always had someone, be it a silent wussy or a chivalrous eye candy ready to take care of all their 'nakhras'. But when it comes to a arranged marriage, the tables are completely turned. In a arranged marriage, the boy always seems to be in command. He expects the girl to qualify to his standards and has the make or break decision with him or his family.

The girl, who enjoyed such a fan following in college days is reduced to a commodity. "Our girl comes with a car", "This girl earns XXX amount and comes with a scooter", "Does your girl know how to teach Einstein's theory of relativity?". Maybe I exaggerated a bit, but the point is The girl is reduced to a commodity. These are the sort of questions and queries you will find in a typical marriage 'negotiations' that are flung at the girl's father. I just cannot understand how, the professional qualifications of me matter in my sister's marriage. They routinely ask what i do? what is your qualification? how much i earn and stuff like that. Nobody dares question the family or earning credentials of a groom. This is so unjust and at the same time quite funny too, when you think that a girl, who not too long ago was a 'star' and center of attraction in a classroom, would by herself be not good enough proposition as a wife material. She has to be supported with dowry and only then would the whole package be 'salable'.

Poor girls...I feel sorry for the de-elevation they experience at marriage!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Marriage and Divorce. My Perspective

Here's my take and love, love marriage, marriage and divorce and such stuff...

The first thing I want to say is why love marriages 'fail' as compared to arranged marriage that seem to 'work'! OK, now let us discuss about crush and 'college love'. When a girl and boy meet in such 'sterile' environs like college or school, I think they are not sufficiently corrupt with caste, religion and social status ideas which gives them an opportunity of a free hand to choose whomsoever they like in their environs. They love someone if they like each other and very rarely because that person belongs to a particular caste or or has certain social standing. Your mind gets corrupted with social evils as grow old!

When they get married, they are without any support from their respective families and this causes them to invest more effort and time to take care of themselves. Normally, a mother or a mother-in-law would take care of newborn but this does not happen in love marriages. The girl has to take care of the baby and herself too, which is a strain to a new wed girl.
Let us not forget that marriage is a marriage!!! It does not matter if the marriage happened because of some ad hoc arrangement or self arrangement or no arrangement at all; married people have the same problems with same solutions. The number of people who can solve the problems is less in love marriages than arranged marriages.

Now I want to say what I feel is a successful marriage: Suppose I marry a girl who I think is good for me and later on if i come to know that she is incompatible, I would prefer to divorce that person rather than spend my whole life. It does not matter if the marriage was love or arranged, all that matters to me is whether i am happy or not. You should not run a marriage simply because you have to make a success out of it for others to see and cheer! Why should i spend my whole life with someone who does not like me?? I would rather split and find someone better.

If you successfully divorce someone you don't like, then according to me that marriage is a success.

2006, What A Year It Was!

I will outline my postulates based on my experiences in the year 2006 and I will look at initial reflections and plans in the New Year in a later post

I feel that the year 2006 was extremely important for my career. It was the year, in which I learnt/I was taught the art of office workmanship. There are some things that happen for no apparent reason and sometimes some things just don’t happen when everyone’s expecting! I don’t have too many examples to prove my point but I feel that I have experienced the best and worst of my still nascent career.

There are ‘sayings’ that everyone believe in and should hold true in any competitive office environ and I did not believe in them. This is probably because I am/was naïve or some other reason that I am yet to figure out.

With whatever little comprehension skills that I have, I have tried to give shape to my postulates about surviving office environs! I will not take anyone’s name here; still hope no one gets offended; it is just an honest self assessment. Nothing more. Nothing less

1. It is very important to be in the good books of not only your boss but also his chamchaas. Bosses have a wide range of arsenal in these parasites to sting and bite using these breed of people. Their talent cannot be underestimated. But I feel that somewhere down, we need to draw the line and say to yourself that, come what may, I will not cross that line! When you stoop once too often, it becomes a rule rather than an exception.

2. It is very important to earn respect from your peers. Respect need not come on the back of that ‘all important’ assignment you successfully did in the project, it can come riding on a variety of shapes. I feel that respect should be always commanded and never demanded, so to speak! Always respect your peers and give credit where it is due. Credit should never be withheld because of personal grudges or prejudice.

3. Never get romantically involved with only ONE. This is the most important among all others and only applies for men. If ‘it’ goes wrong, it disturbs your mental balance, clouds your clarity of thought and judgment. The bad feeling lingers on and one, even when the outcome is written on the stone, loud and clear! You don’t have control over your heart but I feel that you need to assess your priorities, think about possible downsides, think about every possible reason to avoid that person in question. I have the three equations about this:

Not enough prospects = Too much concern for one

Too much concern for one = mis-focusing the energy

mis-focusing the energy = missing other opportunities

4. Always highlight your work. They say that you cannot put down a good person for too long. I agree, but here in software industry, the pace of change is such that, the phrase “for too long” has different connotation. Announce, Highlight, Shout and in fact basically do whatever it takes to accentuate your work.

5. Humour. This is one thing not every one is blessed with, but you can always laugh at others jokes. Get that sense of humour or if you don’t have it, get that ‘nonsense’ of humour!!! Laughing at oneself should be strictly avoided in presence of noobs and detractors.

6. Choose your friends carefully. It is always better to go along with your ‘type’ of people, but having said that, you should be in talking terms with all.

Those are some things that I can think of now and I am sure, people who read this can relate to their environs. You can add yours in the comments but I only want the aspects you experienced first hand.